I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
