So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
