I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
