He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
