Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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