if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
