So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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