Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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