You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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