I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
