Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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