1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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