just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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