You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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