So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
