wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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