I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
