Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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