I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
