Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
