I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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