I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
