I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found your dick twin last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
