i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
