Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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