I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
