I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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