They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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