i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
