I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize