You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
