Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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