ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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