She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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