I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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