I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
