I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
