apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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