Soap is not a condiment
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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