bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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