I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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