she smelled like a LAN party
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
