Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
