ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
