i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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