She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
