LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
