My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
