i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
