smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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