I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
