It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
