i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
