It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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