In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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