I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
