so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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